[Part 6]

Harry’s POV

3 weeks earlier

The first page of her journal had my name as the first word. 

‘Harry. Harry Styles. I can’t believe he actually sees something in me. I don’t see anything great about me, but he constantly says he does. I don’t understand why but he’s still here.’

I shook my head at that. This girl puts herself down so much it hurts. The next page was heartfelt.

‘Even before Harry, I’ve been insecure about my weight. That’s why I’m surprised he’s with me. I’m not skinny like the girls he’s usually with, but he tells me he loves my body. But deep down, I won’t believe it. I feel like he’s saying it just to make me feel better about myself. If I know I’m fat, then he must see it also. Everyone else does, so I know he does. I hate myself. I hate my body. I just wish I could lose weight for him. Maybe he’d love me more and I’d believe it when he says he loves my body…’

I thought back to about what I said to Louis. Emily was right. Before I’d say that I wouldn’t date a girl like (Y/N), but she changed it all for me. Maybe I could come to love her again? Maybe if I gave her a chance I’d remember my love for her? Over the next 2 weeks, I sat there and read every word of her journal. Tears formed in my eyes as I read her doubting herself more and more. She shouldn’t have to feel like that, but I made it even worse for her..I needed to get ahold of her.

Your POV

Present

I was packing what little things I had at Lou’s into boxes so I could move with my mom. Once again, my phone started ringing. Last week I was surprised when Harry called my phone. I didn’t believe it at first when his name showed up on my screen, but he was. I didn’t answer though. I didn’t know if I could handle what he was going to say to me. But he kept calling and calling. Like now, he was calling again. He’s been calling, but never bothering to show up in person at Lou’s, so I didn’t think he really wanted to talk to me. 

This day next week, we would’ve been getting married. I got choked up, but held my tears back. It was over anyways. But the rest of my things were at his house, and I needed to get them. I would’ve asked the boys to get them, but they were all out doing interviews. So maybe Harry was with them as well. This was my opportunity to go and get them without him being there. I grabbed my phone and keys and drove over there. 

I used the key I still had and opened the door. I didn’t see Harry when I walked in so I went straight up to the bedroom. I grabbed a few boxes and started throwing my clothes in there. It went by fast as I moved onto my jewelry and accessories. I left a few things that Harry had given me on the dresser. Under the bed, were all the photos of him and I. I dragged the box out and contemplated taking all of it with me. But in every single picture was Harry. I knew I wanted these memories though. He didn’t remember them, so what was the use. 

I threw them in a box and then stood in front of the big white bag in the closet. I slowly unzipped it and opened it all the way. My beautiful dress…….never to be worn. I ran my hand over the handmade jewels I picked out for it. I loved everything about this dress. It was made just for me, with everything I’d ever wanted, but now it was just a waste.

“It’s beautiful.” My hand froze, as did my body. I hadn’t even heard him come in, but as I turned around, there he was standing in the doorway. His face fell when he looked at me. “You’ve lost weight..” I turned back around and put the dress back in the bag and zipped it back up. I’d gotten back to my normal eating habits, but I still looked like I hadn’t eaten in days. I grabbed the dress from the closet and stuffed it in one of the boxes. I knew there was one thing left I had to grab and then I’d be on my way. But as I went to the bed to find it, it wasn’t there. 

“Are you looking for this?” Harry walked over to his dresser, opened the first drawer and pulled out my journal. My heart stopped and my face burned red. He found it. After living with him for so long, he finally found it. He slowly walked over to me and held it out to me, but as I went to reach for it, he pulled it back and grabbed my wrist with his other hand. “Please tell me you didn’t do this because of me.” His face had guilt written all over it and his eyes filled with hurt. My eyes mirrored the same feeling because I was standing in front of him for what would be the last time. “It’s what you like isn’t it..” He dropped my wrist and brought his hand up to my face. Slowly shaking his head, he caressed my left cheek and stared at me. “I am so sorry (Y/N). I know Lou told you, but I……..I was in a different state of mind. But when Emily came over….” I could feel my body stiffen as I heard her name and I know he felt it too….”she told me what I had been missing since I woke up. Before you, I told myself I wouldn’t date someone who isn’t skinny, but I fell for you. It didn’t matter that you weren’t skinny because I saw your personality, not your body. And although I do love your body, that’s not why I’m with you. But reading this,” he held up my journal, “it broke my heart to see what you’ve been thinking the whole time you were with me.”

A lump was forming my throat and tears threaten to fall from my eyes, but I didn’t want to break in front of him. He set the journal down and held onto both my hands. “I may not remember what we had, and I don’t know if I ever will, but I do know that I want to be with you. I want to try and remember because that’s how much I want this to work. I’ve been trying to tell you this for the past week, but you wouldn’t answer. So (Y/N), please….I’m sorry the wedding was canceled, I’m sorry for the things I’ve said, I’m sorry for not believing you when you said we were together. But most of all, I’m sorry this happened to you. If you know me as well as I think you do, you know that I’d never hurt you. And I am sorry that things happened the way they did, but unexpected things happen that we can’t control. So, what do you say we start all over and regain what we had, for both of us?”

It wasn’t the best apology, but he was willing to do this again because he knows that he loved me.“What if you don’t come to love me?” He smiled and squeezed my hands. “I have faith that it will. You have to trust this, trust me.” I looked at him and couldn’t help but see the faith he was talking about. No there might not be a marriage anytime soon or happiness right away, but I knew being with him was the only thing I’d ever want. So if he was willing, then I was too. “Okay..” “One condition though.” “What?”“You have to get back to your old body. I like you that way better. And don’t ever doubt yourself the way you have in this journal of yours.” I let out a small smile and shook my head. I didn’t know if I could ever get over that, but for him, I’d try. “Deal.” “Thank you (Y/N).”

5 Months Later

I sat out in the grass watching the sun go down and loved the feeling of the slight wind blowing through my hair. I loved being out here, I loved feeling better about myself, I just loved….everything. I could hear Harry coming down the front steps and running over to where I was. He fell beside me and gave me a warming kiss. As he pulled away he looked at me with love filled in his eyes. I loved when he looked at me like that. He pulled me onto his lap and wrapped his arms around me to watch the sun go down with me. 

“I’m happy we moved here.” I smiled to myself. He and I made the decision to move somewhere secluded, somewhere more country so we could be by ourselves. So we did, and I was loving every moment of it. I thought after I said yes to trying again that it would be hard, but it wasn’t. It was smooth sailing from the moment I said yes, and Harry dedicated his every waking moment to getting to know me better and about our past memories.  I could see in his eyes he was wanting to remember so badly, but this would do for him. It was a start over for the both of us and it was going great. I still loved him the way I always had, and I could tell by the look in his eyes now, that he was starting to feel the same way.

Everyone was happy that we had stayed together and didn’t give us grief about the wedding since then, but they said someday they knew it would happen again. I wanted to get rid of my dress, but Harry told me to keep it. Did that mean he was going to ask me again? I didn’t know, but I listened to him anyways and hoped that that would happen again. But for now, all I could do was embrace what we had in this moment and fall in love with him even more.